Things [Star Wars] characters will never say or do: Part 2

[Nik Starskimmer]

Revan:

Whatever you do, I'll do it too
Show me everything and tell me how
It all means something
And yet nothing to me

I can see there's so much to learn
It's all so close and yet so far
I see myself as people see me
Oh, I just know there's something
bigger out there

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these Jedi like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familliar about these Jedi like me

Every gesture, every move that she makes
Makes me feel like never before
Why do I have
This growing need to be beside her

Ooo, these emotions I never knew
Of some other world far beyond this place
Beyond the ships, among the stars,
I see before me a new galaxy!

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these Jedi like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these Jedi like me

Come with me now to see my world
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams
Can you feel the Force like I feel
Right now, with you
Take my hand
There's a world I need to know

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these Jedi like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these Jedi like me

I wanna know!
_________________
"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force."
Jedi Code

[Kendra Jendob]

You're really gonna make me do this, aren't you?

Darth Malak: I know that your powers of retention are as wet as a gizka's backside. But thick as you are, pay attention! My words are a matter of pride! It's clear from your vacant expressions, the lights are not all on upstairs. But we're talking Kings and successions; even you can't be caught unawares! So prepare for the chance of a lifetime; be prepared for sensational news. A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer...

Sith Trooper: And where do we feature?

Darth Malak: Just listen to teacher. I know it sounds sordid, but you'll be rewarded, when at last I am given my dues! And in justice, deliciously squared, be prepared!

Sith Officer: Yeah, be prepared! Hah, we'll be prepared... for what?

Malak: For the death of Revan!

Officer: Why, is he sick?

Malak: No, fool, we're going to kill him. The Jedi too.

Officer: Great idea! Who needs Revan?

Troopers: (singsong) No Sith Lord, no Sith Lord, lalalalalala.

Malak: Idiots! There will be a Sith Lord!

Officer: But you said--

Malak: I will be the Lord of Sith! Stick with me, and you will never face Jedi again!

Troopers: Yaaaaaaaaaaay! All right! Long live Malak! Long live Malak!

(troops start to march around Malak)

Troopers: It's great that we'll soon be connected with a Sith who are all can adore!

Malak: Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected to take certain duties on board. The future is littered with prizes, and though I'm the main addressee, the point that I must emphasize is... you won't get a sniff without me! So prepare for the coup of the century! Be prepared for the murkiest scam! Meticulous planning, tenacity spanning decades of denial is simply why I'll be Sith undisputed; Respected, saluted and seen for the wonder I am. Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared! Be prepared!

All: Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared! Be prepared!
_________________
Sergeant First Class Kendra Jendob

[Nik Starskimmer]

LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.

Luke:

As I walk through the valley where I train my Jedi
I steer clear of my wife, who could kill me in the blink of an eye!
But that's just perfect for a Jedi like me
You know I shun fancy things like blaster technology!
At 0430 in the morning I'm teachin' classes
Jacen feeds the chickens and Anni passes gases... fool!
And I've been teachin' and trainin' so long that
Even Tahiri thinks that my mind is gone!
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a holocron in my hand and a beard on my chin!
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like its 0 ABY!

We been spending most our lives
Living in A Jedi paradise
I've treated burn wounds once or twice
Living in a Jedi paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in a Jedi paradise
We sell shirts at a discount price
Living in a Jedi paradise

A Padawan kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I think he's cool
cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's being schooled!
But I ain't never punched an apprentice even if he deserved it
A Jedi with a 'tude?
You know that's unheard of
I never wear armor 'cuz I got a bad back
But my homies agree
I really look good in black...fool!
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the com bill in 300 years!
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no com, no lights, no hovercar
Not a single luxury
Like camping on Tatooine
It's as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in a Jedi paradise
We're just plain and simple Knights
Living in a Jedi paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in a Jedi paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in a Jedi paradise

Hitchin up the X-wing, fixin' up the Falcon
Raised a school on Monday, soon Ill raise anutter
Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million time as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Jedites wanna be like
On my feet day and night teachin' the Force to me pretty wife!
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to use the Force on your heinie!

We been spending most our lives
Living in a Jedi paradise
We're all brown-cloaked hermits
Living in a Jedi paradise
There's no Sith or traffic lights
Living in a Jedi paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in a Jedi paradise
_________________
"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force."
Jedi Code

[Kelson Ordo]

Are you guys really making this stuff up? Cause if so, wow. WOW. Go outside or something.
_________________
Captain Kelson Ordo
506th Airborne, Third Drop-Shock Battalion, L-Company, 1st Platoon, 2nd Squad Leader.

"There are two types of people you're gunna encounter. Those who'll try and shoot you, and those you shot first." -Kelson Ordo

Lazer X7

[Nik Starskimmer]

But I don't have wireless!

I kid.
_________________
"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force."
Jedi Code

[Kelson Ordo]

I have to admit though, they're pretty funny.
_________________
Captain Kelson Ordo
506th Airborne, Third Drop-Shock Battalion, L-Company, 1st Platoon, 2nd Squad Leader.

"There are two types of people you're gunna encounter. Those who'll try and shoot you, and those you shot first." -Kelson Ordo

Lazer X7

[Nik Starskimmer]

Silence, unless you wish to join the game.
_________________
"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force."
Jedi Code

[Kastor Antilles]

[Ams Jendob]

They're all ripoffs of one form or another. Hence why they'd never be said.
_________________
Emperor Ams Jendob, Ruler of the Imperial Remnant

----"Moff", CMAC Dreamcrusher, Official Administrative Waldorf and Statler----

[Kelson Ordo]

I know they're parodies, but to still take the time to write the lyrics... Anyhow, they're pretty funny, albeit.
_________________
Captain Kelson Ordo
506th Airborne, Third Drop-Shock Battalion, L-Company, 1st Platoon, 2nd Squad Leader.

"There are two types of people you're gunna encounter. Those who'll try and shoot you, and those you shot first." -Kelson Ordo

Lazer X7

[Nik Starskimmer]

LESS TALKING, MORE SINGING.
_________________
"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force."
Jedi Code

[James Dakota]

Okay, to the tune of 'May The Force be With You:'

Waiting foor the Baaatle - System is hell-a-ah gaaaaaay...
To-day, Cray! and get us in, toooo the fraaaaaay...

*cut to credit music*


_________________
James Dakota


Lazer X7

[Jallorn]

I'm just going to post a link. You'll understand when you see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGYAPr6UKhs&feature=response_watch

Although not all the movie is related to any character.

[Daegon Selanno]

Darth Vader:

Here lies everything, the worlds I wanted
At my feet...My victory's complete...
So Hail to the King!
Arise and sing...

So your world's benign, so you think Justice has a voice,
and we all have a choice...
Well, now your world is mine!
And I am fine...

Now the nightmare's real! Now that Darth Vader is here!
To make you quake with fear!
To make all worlds kneel!
And I won't feel...

A thing.
_________________
Captain Daegon Selanno - Fringe Scum, Bounty Hunter, Smuggler

"I applaud your efforts. And now that you've insulted me, called me a heretic, threatened to burn me and questioned my gender, I'm completely on board." - Jess

[Shayera Jendob]

All right, now you've asked for it.

Palpatine
It's been a long road
Gettin' from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

I will see my dreams come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No, they're not gonna change my mind

'Cause I have faith
In the Dark
Goin' where my hate will take me
I have faith to believe
I can do anything
I have strength
In the Force
No one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach
Any star
I've got (I've got I've got) Dark
I've got Daaark
Dark Side of the Fooooooooooorce...
_________________
Empress Shayera Jendob

[Daegon Selanno]

Jacen Solo:

This appeared as a moral dilemma
Cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate
The worst of the plague that devoured the galaxy
It’s true I was vague on the ‘How’
so how can it be that she has shown me the light?

It’s a brand new day
And the sun is high
All the birds are singing
That Mara's gonna die

How I hesitated
Now I wonder why
It’s a brand new day

All the times that you beat me unconscious I’ll forgive
All the studies incomplete, listen honestly I’ll live
Mrs. Cool, Mrs. Right, Mrs. Knowitall is through
Now my future’s so bright and I owe it all to her, who showed me the light

It’s a brand new me
I’ve got no remorse
Now the water’s rising but I know the course
I’m gonna shock the worlds
Gonna Show those dorks
It’s a Brand New Day

And Tenel Ka will see the evil me
Not a joke not a dork not a failure
And she may cry but her tears will dry
When I hand her the keys to a shiny new galaxy.

It’s a brand new day
Yeah the sun is high
All the angels sing
Because Mara's gonna die

Go ahead and laugh
Yeah I’m a funny guy
Tell everyone goodbye
It’s a brand new day



En guarde, Moff.
_________________
Captain Daegon Selanno - Fringe Scum, Bounty Hunter, Smuggler

"I applaud your efforts. And now that you've insulted me, called me a heretic, threatened to burn me and questioned my gender, I'm completely on board." - Jess

[Shayera Jendob]

...That's just wrong.

Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin
This was a triumph
I'm making a note here: huge success.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Alderaan-blasting
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead

But there's no sense crying over two billion dead
You just keep on trying 'til you've cracked enough heads
And the crushing gets done
Yes, we've made a neat gun
For the Rebels who are still alive

*cheery musical interlude*

Oh my they are angry
I'm being so sincere right now
They just sent thirty fighters to kill me
And tear me to pieces
And throw every piece into a fire

Watch them burn
Must hurt, because
I'm so happy for Vader
'Cause those green laser beams
Make such beautiful lines
And we're out of beta,
We even tested on time
So I'm glad they got burned
Think of all the things we'll learn
For the Rebels who are still alive
_________________
Empress Shayera Jendob

[Daegon Selanno]

Anakin Skywalker:

Laundry day
see you there
underthings
tumbling
Want to say
"Love your hair"
here I go...
mumbling

With my Force powers I will stop the world
With my Force powers I will find the time to find the words to...

Tell you how
how you make
make me feel
what's the phrase?
Like a fool
kinda sick
special needs
anyways

With my Force powers I will stop the pain
It's not a blaster or an lightsaber
(that's all Han Solo)
I just think you need time to know

That I'm the guy to make it real
the feelings you don't dare to feel
I'll bend to the galaxy to our will
and we'll make time stand still

That's the plan
Rule all the worlds
you and me
anyday

Love your hair
Padme: "What?"
Anakin: "No no, I uh, love the...air, heh..."
anyway...


Aw, snap!
_________________
Captain Daegon Selanno - Fringe Scum, Bounty Hunter, Smuggler

"I applaud your efforts. And now that you've insulted me, called me a heretic, threatened to burn me and questioned my gender, I'm completely on board." - Jess

[Maximillion Cyrus]

Yay! This is intense!

BTW Moff, It's a brand new day indeed!

[Aaron Church]

BRAND NEW DAY LOL.
_________________
Lieutenant Aaron Church
Gauntlet Insertion-Extraction Gunship Unit

Well, here's something you can't do...

Lazer X7

[Jacen Tranada]

Anakin: Hey ... I joined Palpatine to save Padme and then I tried to kill her. Maybe the dark side is wrong after all?
_________________
Lieutenant Jacen Tranada
Imperial Intelligence

[Maximillion Cyrus]

Anakin: "No, the dark side just made me realize howw much I hated her all along.

She was a pansy."

[Morgan ZIM]

Palpatine: NOBODY expects Order 66!

-----------

Obi-Wan: I have the high ground!

*Anakin leaps, gets his arm cut off*

Obi-Wan: You were like a brother to me, Anakin.

Anakin: I hate you! I'm going to chop your legs off!

Obi-Wan: What? I cut your arm off, Anakin. It's over.

Anakin: There's cybernetics for that!

*Anakin attacks, gets his other arm cut off*

Obi-Wan: You were suppose to destroy the Sith, not join them!

Anakin: I'm going to destroy you!

Obi-Wan: You've got no arms. How are you suppose to keep fighting?

Anakin: Tis' but a scratch! I'll use the force!

*Anakin attacks, gets his legs cut off.*

Obi-Wan: I still have the high ground.

Anakin: I'll kill you yet, and your little high ground too!

Obi-Wan: How? You have no limbs left, Anakin. Even if you survive this, by the time they're done with you you'll be more machine than man.

Anakin: It's just a flesh wound!

Obi-Wan: I'm done here.

*Obi-Wan grabs Anakins lightsaber, leaves*

Anakin: Get back here! I'll bite your ankles off!

[Shayera Jendob]

*Leia looks over at Luke while lying in bed*
Leia: That was so wrong.
Luke:

And moral guardians, before you get pissed... it's from Robot Chicken SW.
_________________
Empress Shayera Jendob

[Maximillion Cyrus]

Like we haven't already heard that from other sources >_>.

Although I definitely didn't ask.